So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
