You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
