I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
