I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
