Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
