Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
