I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
