i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
