Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
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