She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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