U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
