I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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