Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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