Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
