Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
