Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
