He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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