We're facebook friends in real life
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
