i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
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There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
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Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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