Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
