thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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