2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
