i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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