I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize