I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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