I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
