My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
