Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
