a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
