smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have demons in me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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