Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
