You were right. It hurts to walk today.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
