at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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