ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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