I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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