this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
