Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
