weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
