Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
