she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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