Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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