Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
