I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
