You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
