Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
