it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
