I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
