dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
