O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
