I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
