my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
