dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
