They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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