i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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