My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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