i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
