I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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