Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
