a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
