I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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