It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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