i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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