I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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