You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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