Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
