with your own penis?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
ttyl tear gas
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
