cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
they're like a gay fantastic four
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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