fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
