Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
