note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
