i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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