mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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