just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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