I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
