Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My pussy is not your playground.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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