the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Ketchup is God's man juice
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
