I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
