she looked like the before picture.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
