And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
