i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Alive.
So much puke
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
