Soap is not a condiment
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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