woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
