Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
