I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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