He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
