New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
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Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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