No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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