He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
