you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
