she was so not down for the gang bang
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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