I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
