Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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