a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize