I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you traded sex for a burrito?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
