My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
