he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
