I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
